Frequently Asked Questions

• What comments have you received since the show has aired?
• Real Stories by Real People
• When did you film for the ABC reality TV show, "Wife Swap?"
• Where were you sent?
• Weren't you afraid to leave a stranger with your children?
• Why did you choose to participate on "Wife Swap?"
• What was the most challenging part of your involvement?
• What were the most important lessons learned from your participation?
• Were you required to compromise any of your standards? 
• What was it like to live in the home of an atheist? 
• How were you selected to be on the show? 
• Did you know where or what kind of home you were being sent to? 
• How did your church respond to your decision to go on "Wife Swap?"
• Have you received opposition to your participation?
• Did anything surprising happen during filming?
• What did you think after you saw the show?
• Do you think you made a difference in the Finley family?
• Did the Finley's make a difference in your family?  

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What comments have you received since the show has aired? 
We have received over 600 positive e-mails, only a handful were negative.  We have had nearly 6,000 hits on the biblegal.org site.  The following are exerpts from some of the e-mails.

 

Real Stories by Real People

"I had a situation at work that I was going to avoid.  After I saw Jeff take a stand for Christ on "Wife Swap," I decided I needed to take a stand for Christ too." 

Wanda, Michigan

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After viewing the show the other night I asked myself if I died tonight do I know without a doubt I would go to heaven? My answer is no. I used to believe I would.  I want to believe it again that I will. Where do I start? When I saw you on the show I though you were just a wonderful person and not condescending. What do I do? Where do I start? Help me find him again, please!!  

Tricia

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I'm a member of Reggie's website. All in all I was more impressed with your performance than Reggies on the show and in your "BibleGal" show.  I'm a member of a different religion, but I'm rather impressed with your representation of Christianity. Keep up the good work; the world needs quality spiritual people. By the way I agree with you on the negativity that permeates the free thought community.

Mark

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I wonder if you would find it too personal a question to share a copy of
Your behavior/consequence plan with me. I'm afraid that we aren't as courageous as you to "go public" with our family plan. I've seen so many families that seem to have no structure, discipline, or accountability, so this show really helped to give us confidence that we're on the right track. Maybe now we'll have more confidence with the biblical methods we've been using that too many people feel our out of style in today's age.

Ron and Susan, New Jersey

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You presented such a real example of Christianity ---- and showed the joy Jesus brings to your life and relationships. I'm praying that God will use this episode to break through to many pre-Christians. You also motivate me to be more -- more of what God wants me to be as a wife, mom, friend, etc. Thanks for sharing your faith with so many on t.v.!

Patti, MI

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I am a Christian also, but my husband doesn't exactly trust Christianity on a whole. He has seen many people claim to be Christians while at the same time being hypocrites. His favorite saying is "being in a garage doesn't make you a Cadillac, going to church doesn't make you a Christian". After the show was over, he looked at me and said "that is the classiest lady I think I've ever seen on t.v." which is high praise, believe me. You handled yourself wonderfully in what had to be an extremely tough situation, and did not come off judgmental. 

Heather, Kentucky

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At first I thought that a Christian woman should never go on a show called "Wife Swap". The holiness bell went off in my head but the Lord reminded me that he chooses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. AMEN??? As I continued to watch the show my eyes filled with tears several times as I saw the Glory of the Lord work.

Linda, Michigan

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My father has been a truck driver cross-county for 30+ years. He, as was his father, was/is of the mind set that the husband/fathers role was to bring money in and that was it. After the show went off, he looked at me and my mother and said (I was at their house) "Seems to me all that guy cared about was work..." You could tell about half way though the sentence he realized what he was saying. My mom and I looked at him and she said "No kidding?" in a joking manner My father has never stuck his foot in his mouth like that.

Duane, Arizona

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My wife and I have been out of church for several years. My youngest daughter doesn't even remember going to church.  My daughter asked me why we were going to go to church.  It crushed my wife and I.  We were both raised in church and never imagined a time when we would be out of church. I so want to get back into church and raise my daughters in the way of the Lord. I feel so unworthy and don't know if I could ever over come that feeling to be a productive part of his army again. Would you please email me back with some advise as to how to over time this overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. 

Scott

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Being a Pastor's wife myself, I can say that you truly are the epitome of
what God wants us to be in our spiritual walk with him. You were bold, yet loving, caring and sharing. I can't say enough for the impact that it had on me as I watched you stand for what you believed in doing it with grace and care.

Brenda

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WOW!!! What an amazing show!!!!! I sat there and began to watch it and was blown away by your true Christian character! You and your family walked with integrity and true love for all people. I am really encouraged by your character and respect for their beliefs knowing they were different from your own. Instead of preaching and putting them down, you just loved and respected them with Jesus' love!
Today, I found your website and I was even more impressed with the thought and wisdom that you took in preparation for this. God really led the way for you to do this and many lives were changed!

Jason, Pastor from Georgia

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When did you film for the ABC reality TV show, "Wife Swap?" 
January 12-23, 2005

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Where were you sent?
I went to the home of an atheist family; The Finley's in Atlanta, GA.  Reggie (Self -employed as the host of an atheist Internet radio show) and Amber Finley have three children, Dorian 12, R.J. 3 and Ryan 1.  Amber was greeted in our home by my husband, Jeff (Employed as the Sr. Pastor of Victory world Outreach Church), and our six children, Devon 10, Taylor (My niece) 9, Justin 9, Jacob (My nephew) 6, Hunter 3, and Jesse 2.

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Weren't you afraid to leave a stranger with your children?
No, we had planned on my husband spending the majority of his time working from our home.  There are also strict rules; neither the swapped mom nor members of the crew were allowed to be alone with a child or change their diapers.  ABC also required our whole family to undergo psychological exams, personality profiles, blood work for disease detection, TB tests, criminal background checks, credit checks, and urine test for drug and alcohol use.  We were comforted to know that our swapped family underwent all the same tests. I knew they would be a decent family that were just different than our own.

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Why did you choose to participate on "Wife Swap?" 
The decision to participate was one of the most challenging portions of this experience.  Prior to agreeing, we sought counsel for six weeks from numerous respected ministers, Dr. Dobson's Pastoral Care Team, and we even requested to speak with a former participant of "Wife Swap."   Television Producer, Phil Cooke asked us, "Can you stand before God someday and tell Him you did not respond to an opportunity to preach the word because you were afraid?"   We did not want to be moved by fear or by what others may think.  We ultimately decided to do the show out of obedience to the word of God that declares that we, as Christians, are to "Go into the world and preach the gospel."  We thought, what could be more "Into the World" than a television show with a name like, "Wife Swap," on ABC, just prior to Monday Night Football?  We believe to whom much is given, much is required.  We have been given much and we were moved with compassion to help others by sharing the biblical principles that are responsible for our successful marriage, happy, obedient children, a debt free life, and a healthy balance to our lives. 

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What was the most challenging part of your involvement?
In addition to the decision to participate, the fourteen-hour days were challenging both physically and mentally.  I felt I was representing, not just myself, but other Christians and, most importantly, the LORD.  It was mentally challenging because I tried to be very careful with my words.  I did not want to miscommunicate or misrepresent the word of God.

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What were the most important lessons learned from your participation? 
Our experience on the show opened doors of opportunity to communicate with others about their faith or lack of faith and their personal relationships with others.  We have seen many lives changed as a result of those conversations.  I would do it all again if we only helped one person.  I had a woman that no longer attends church break down and repent when she realized that she had judged all churches and Christians based on one church that she felt had cast judgment upon her.  The realization that she had become as judgmental as the church she had condemned brought her to tears.  I had a complete stranger tell me, "My wife has been wanting me to attend church with her since the day we married, thirty years ago.  I have never felt compelled to believe in God or attend church until speaking with you today."  A woman, who was living an alternative lifestyle, told me that her church said God didn't love her.  I told her just how much God does love her.  She and I both dissolved to tears when I asked her to accept my apology on behalf of that church and to forgive them.  Though she knew I could not endorse her lifestyle, she also knew and accepted my unconditional love towards her.   In route to my Atlanta destination to film the show, a member of the crew told me, "Kelly if this show never even aired, I want you to know that you have changed my life." We need to be doers of the word and not hearers only.  The show has given me a newfound drive to live Ephesians 15:15-16, to "Live purposely and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), making the very most of the time (buying up each opportunity) because the days are evil."

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Were you required to compromise any of your standards? 
No.  As a pastoral family, we do all we can to avoid "the appearance of evil."  My husband does not consult women alone and he also did not want to stay in our home alone with a woman.  Prior to agreeing to participate on "Wife Swap," we requested to have a member of the crew stay the night in our home as well.  ABC/RDF Media complied with that request. 

The production crew of six does make suggestions, not requests, in an effort to move the filming process along.  I was never told I had to do or say anything that would compromise my faith or my will.  I felt very comfortable refusing suggestions.  I often let cameras roll for long periods, while I took the time to form my response to a question or situation.  My "rule change" was delayed several hours as I rejected many of their script suggestions.  I wrote my own script.

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What was it like to live in the home of an atheist? 
I did not come into this experience with any stereotypes about atheists.  The Finley family was a typical family that simply does not believe in God.  They lived differently than our family, but I respected our differences.  Due to their lack of belief in God, they obviously lacked the benefits available through adherence to biblical principles.  The application of biblical principles in our home has resulted in a happy, fulfilling marriage, obedient children, a debt free life, and a healthy balance to our lives.  I did not see these benefits in the Finley home. 

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How were you selected to be on the show? 
In November of 2004, I was watching television unaware that the show I was watching was "Wife Swap."  The episode I saw appeared to be a show that attempted to make relevant changes in the lives of families.  I thought to myself, "Good could come of a show like that." The following week, my husband saw an episode that depicted two seemingly dysfunctional families. His recognition that the show represented similar families that he has counseled as a pastor, moved him with compassion.  That night, I e-mailed some questions to the production company and they asked me to fill out an application.  Within one week, I received a call informing us that they selected our family out of the 10,000 applications they had received.  When I asked the casting agent why they selected our family, she simply said because you are "happy and well balanced."  A director was flown from England that week to film our family.  The Production Company used that initial footage to present the families they were considering to ABC executives for approval. 

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Did you know where or what kind of home you were being sent to? 
No. Knowing the show put "opposites" together, our first assumption was that they would place us in the home of a non-believer.  Our minds began to consider other alternatives because we also hunt, play numerous sports, and have six, now seven, children.  I did not know until I entered the home and saw the atheist paraphernalia that I was being placed with an atheist.  

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How did your church respond to your decision to go on "Wife Swap?" 
Apart from our church board members, most of the church did not know we were offered the opportunity to be on ABC's "Wife Swap."  My husband has a reputation for being very wise, discerning, and slow to make decisions.  Our members knew we would not enter into a decision of this nature without a great deal of thought, prayer and council.  The congregation broke out into applause when, after our six weeks of research,  they were informed. 

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Have you received opposition to your participation?
Yes, we have received some opposition from those outside our church.  My husband asked each person that opposed, "How many souls have you won for Christ in the past five years?"  Each person that opposed could not account for leading anyone to salvation.  It seemed that those that support alternative means of sharing the gospel are evangelistic in nature, whereas those that were not supportive did not have a heart for evangelism.  There were others that opposed solely due to the lurid name of the show.  We listened with receptive ears to the opposition, yet we found their arguments against our involvement became valuable insight into how we could be more effective. 

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Did anything surprising happen during filming?
Amber had an atheist tutor come into our home to teach our children.  We felt confident in our children so we were not concerned about them, but my husband prayed over their schoolroom and anointed each chair with oil.  The next day, he returned from work and the atheist tutor was being sent home because, after four hours of filming, he could not speak.  He told my husband, "In the 35 years that I have been teaching I have never been unable to speak.  I would just get tongue tied every time I opened my mouth."  At the next day's atheist meeting, with the same film crew, he could speak just fine.  Some call it coincidence, but we believe God can still shut mouths just as he did in biblical days. A second tutor was brought in the next day and that is the tutor that was filmed for the show.

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What did you think after you saw the show?
There was a lot of footage we expected to see that was edited out.  However, they have to take 100 hours of film and edit it down to 43 ½ minutes.  The show focused more on each family's relationships with one another than the difference between Christianity and atheism.  We were hoping more of the benefits of our faith in Christ would be presented. 

Throughout the process, I have been surprised by how much reality really was in this reality series.  There were portions that were obviously exaggerated, but very likely the real perspective of an individual.  There were also portions edited together for humor sake.   I went into this experience with a goal of really getting to know the Finley family early in the week so that my perspective would be based on actual conversations.  I did not have the time to inquire about Reggie as I would have liked; therefore, much of my perspective was based on the manual that Amber approved.  I am sure her perspective was based a lot on the manual as well.  I did wonder who determined that my husband prayed 100 times a day.  When we approved my manual, I told my husband, "We sound like all we ever do is pray." Well, obviously we have other interests that our family talks about, but the show leads one to believe that we only talk about God. 

I knew that the show would focus on my niece, Taylor, because she is the most talkative and dramatic of the children.  Though I take each child out individually and spend equal time with all of them the show may have led viewers to believe otherwise.  Her "real" perspective probably really is that she is treated differently as she is the only girl in a house full of boys.  The show did not reveal that she actively has sleepovers with other girls, plays on a co-ed soccer team, plays on a girl's softball team, of which I coached, and meets three times a week with girls from our church.

I did have one concern and that was that viewers would believe Reggie's accusations that I "made him feel" unsuccessful and unimportant.  I cannot "make someone feel" anything.  You won't see any footage of me to support those accusations because they had no footage.  Other than the few exaggerations of reality, we laughed a lot and thought the show was good.  We gave it a seven on a scale of 1-10.

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Do you think you made a difference in the Finley family?
Yes, I believe Reggie did choose to reduce his hours and spend more quality time with his family.  Amber also reduced her time on the computer to spend more time with their children.  Reggie said to me several times and also to my husband that he had never met Christians like us.  I think it was good for him to see that, despite our differences, we could walk in love towards he and his family and truly be friends with them.  In the 10 months since our episode was filmed, we still maintain contact with the Finley's. Up to that point, I believe many of those that identified themselves as Christians to him were often judgmental of them and the atheist community.   I also believe they discovered that their family could and should enjoy the outdoors more.

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Did the Finley's make a difference in your family? 
I entered this experience in hopes of discovering new ideas or something valuable that we could use to add to our family.  Our participation in the show did make me more proactive about increasing my niece, Taylor's opportunities to be with girls.  My husband and I were not so discreet the evening of our "Wife Swap" reunion and, as a result, we now have a new baby in the house; Taylor is pleased to announce that "It's a girl!"  Now, that's a big difference in the house that we would not have had without the "Wife Swap" experience. 

We also now have an increased personal drive to encourage the Church to walk in love towards others…all others.  We are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Atheists, are no less our neighbors. 

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